Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
