I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
