that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
