Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
