I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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