Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
