Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
