This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize