No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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