so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
