I want to have your abortion
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
