you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Every concussion has its silver lining
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
