Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize