I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize