You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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