there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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