You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
