his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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