So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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