I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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