my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
