I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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