I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
