..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
