You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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