Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
