i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
