Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
