So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
