I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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