So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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