What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Randomize
