Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
