omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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