If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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