I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
