i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
