im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
