It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
