i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
