My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
