We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Farmville is her only friend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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