white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
