Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
