Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
