so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
