I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
