My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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