I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
