I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
