They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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