u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
