just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
