ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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