I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
