I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
