no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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