Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think your dad took our porno
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
