that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
