dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
