Will you blow on my dice?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
