Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
