i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
