every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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