THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
