At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
