no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
