Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
