get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
