please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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