Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
where am i from again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
