I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
