Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
