You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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