I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
