so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
