This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
