Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize