I need help removing her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
