you would pick up someone in the library
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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