And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
