Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
