come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
