I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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