i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
