just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
