This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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