I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
